The Puppet

What is it? This feeling of powerlessness.
Like I have absolutely no control over what is happening in my life. As if I’m am a spectator of my own body.
Words fly out of my mouth without me even realizing what I am saying only till it’s already said and too late to take back.
There’s such a strong hold over my mind that is not my own.
I don’t like what I think, feel or say but no matter how much I oppose it those feelings remain.
Who is there?
Who am I working for?
I… as if there is even a me to worry about. I am gone! There is no me.
I am powerless over my feelings, my words, my mind, my body.
I’ve been taken over.
The me I once knew yells for help from the inside but no one hears her.
She’s so far down that the idea of her is fading. I’m losing any memory of who she once was.
She… she is me! I’m already speaking as if she is gone for good.
What do I do to get her back? How do I assert myself back into my own mind? How do I kick this hold, this monster out without repercussions? Without fear of being pushed deeper into this cave..?
I’m afraid all hope has left me.. I fear I am left to suffer alone.
Without a glimmer of possibility to keep me going.
I must break out. I must fight back.
What’s the point of life if you don’t live it the way you imagine it?
I don’t know how or when but I will be free from this. I will overcome and escape this prison of unmindfulness. I will be me once again.
If only I really truly want it..
I must snatch it back from the hands of darkness and declare my life meaningful, full of purpose. If not for myself then for those that rely on me. For those that watch me. They need me. They are fighting for me.
My purpose is them and so I must fight!

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