Random Thoughts….

Sometimes I feel like this life I’m living isn’t real. It feels like a dream that I’m in and nothing I’m looking at is really there. It almost feels like an out-of-body experience, like everyone is involved in the skit and I’m the only one who doesn’t know it.

I have these moments of realization that this world isn’t what really matters in the end. What if when we die here we’re really waking up and all this will seem so far away.

It feels like someone is watching my every move, every decision ans seeing how I handle everything. As if I were on the Truman Show and nothing is what it seems…

Sometimes I feel like I’m walking around in a haze, not really aware of my surroundings and for a moment I snap out of it and wonder “how did I get here?” “this isn’t real.”.

What am I wasting my “time” on? Where is all my energy going? Does anyone else feel this way? Do they too step outside themselves and wonder how do we not notice we are zombie walking through life..?

What do I do now? Where do I go from here? How do I permanently stay in this realm of awareness?

I can’t help but think…

What if I’m dying?!

& everything is just revealing itself to me now. What if I’m just beginning to really see things for what they truly are but if that’s true then why does it keep going and coming. And what about my girls?? I can’t leave this world, they need me!

Why do I keep messing up? Why do I keep dozing off? What am I suppose to do with these feelings?

I must STAY AWAKE!! 

I mustn’t go into a state of comatose   I CAN’T!!!

There has to be a change in perception.

There must be a change in paradigm  …   BUT  HOW?? 

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