A Time in my Life When…

poem pic

God do you hear me?
Am I coming in clear?

I don’t get how all my experiences could have possibly lead me here..
I don’t understand,
How could all I’ve been through be part of a grand master plan?
Could it be that maybe someone needed me more than I did when I was lost?
Hurt and abandoned by those I  loved??
I’m not pointing blame, there’s no one to shove into the light, no bus rolling into this frame.

I did it!
I made those choices.
I took those drugs, made those friends and pick those boyfriends.
No one made me do it.

For years I walked alone, lost, confused and impressionable.
So many things to soak in, so unprepared for it all.
‘Why me?!’ I cried for so long.
I thought I did everything right.
“I was a mistake” was what kept replaying through my mind..
Why did everyone hate me?
Was I really that hard to love?
No one knows what I’ve been through.
No ones seen what I’ve done.

Shame and tears are what ring loud when I think of my youth.
How did this all happen? When did I get off track?
Will this ever make sense?
When will I stop looking back?

I’m thankful everyday I’m alive
So many chances I had to die.
Never thinking twice of what I was doing
Just did what I had to survive.

I tell kids to ‘do good’
‘You don’t want what’s down that road’
Instead they look at me crazy like I’m just paranoid and old.
‘I don’t know what I’m talking about?’
Boy if only you knew
The things you’re doing today don’t even come close to what I’ve been through!

Nose burning,
No memory of your way home.
Nah,
You’re not ready for the stories I hold.

I thank God everyday for getting me out alive.
I know not many are blessed enough to even see the sun rise.

The scariest of all this is having kids
Just knowing that one day they’ll have to decide for themselves what life to live.
Which road to take and what friends to make.
It’s not easy learning when to hold on and when to let go.
I pray they choose the right path but most of all I pray they know they’re not alone.

So yeah, God heard me. He was there the whole time
because even though my family was out of sight and my friends didn’t really care about my future life
He was the only one who kept me alive.

Ms. Pomales

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